Wow to Divine Providence and having your guts kicked for the right reason. Yesterday, I met the sweetest young lady, probably around 30. A beautiful, intelligent young woman. We started to chat, and I told her about my past, how we had built a porn empire and how hard it was to get away from it. (Read more about Closing Pandora's Boxxx from our blog a year ago here.) I went on to talk about how I was saved only through Christ and His Church and just how diabolical porn really is. That it isn't about first amendment rights, or "live and let live", but about human trafficking and abuse.
She listened attentively and then she said, "I'm going to tell you this because of what you just told me. When I was 22, my father drugged and raped me. He watched porn before and during the rape. Porn directly affected me." I felt my guts wrenching and had no idea that the pain was going to go much deeper. She went on, "He was working at Pandora's Boxxx at the time." BAM. My heart felt like I had just been mortally wounded. I replied, "You don't know how sharp the sword is that just pierced my heart." and then I began to cry as I watched her eyes welling with tears too.
I told her I was so sorry and that once in Confession I was lamenting the fact that I didn't know how I would ever be able to make reparations for the number of souls I have affected, and, for my penance, my priest asked me to do something so simple, but so powerful.... to perform some small act of self-mortification for JUST ONE of the souls I had damaged. I told this beautiful girl, "Your face will forever be the face of that soul when I repeat this penance." She apologized for having told me and I assured her that I was actually very happy that she had told me, that she had no idea how much I needed to hear her story, because I need every possible opportunity, every piece of this diabolical puzzle to help me properly atone and to heal more deeply.
Turns out she was born into a Catholic family, is away from the Church and has (not surprisingly) been living a New Age life since that abuse, but she said that Jesus appeared to her a few months ago and she is suddenly having a change of heart. Folks, I'm sharing this because a) I would appreciate all the prayers you can offer for this amazing woman, that she is able to make her way back to Christ and His Church, and b) to reiterate just how deeply and diabolically pornography damages souls.
Thank you, Lord, for your mercy shown through this kick in the guts!